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  • Felicia Mesadieu

What does 34 years of age look like?



I'll be turning 34 years old on November 28, 2018, but I have to be honest and say that I am NOT READY. I'm not ready to accept that I will be turning 34 years of age.........AND (WAIT FOR IT)........ I don't have it all figured out, YET. Nor do I have the life that I dreamed of..... ( I am currently still dreaming).


So, the question lies....DO WE EVER REALLY HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT? Well, according to the several episodes of "Sex and the City" that I have binged watched over the last few years; the answer is NO! But, perhaps I shouldn't be comparing my life to four privileged Caucasian women that were classified in a totally different tax bracket then me. Not to mention these characters resided in New York.. Okay, then... "Insecure" seems more like it! I'll play the comparison game with the characters of that show. The answer is still NO!


I have been struggling with whether or not I should put all my business out there on the main street for the pedestrians to collect and read. But, it's the truth and the truth will be revealed one way or another. Popular opinion also states that the truth will set me free. And a sista is looking for her freedom right about now. I have always been an extremely vulnerable person, so I figured today will be the day that I express my vulnerability in online print.


I have a list of things that I'm not really happy about. I think it's okay to say you're not happy sometimes. It kind of feels like a thorn has been removed from my vocal chords every time that I admit that I am unhappy in this very season of my life.


So let's start with this list shall we:


1.) I'm still not settled in Los Angeles California (it's been officially 3 years since I moved from Omaha, Nebraska).

2.) I'm 33 years old and I am living with my mother as I find away to transition into the next phase of my life.

3. I currently do not make the income that will allow me to feel financially secure and independent. (I haven't really figured out this whole entrepreneurial thing.)

4.) I'm not married yet and don't know when I will be getting married ---(nor do I have a prospect).

5.) I'm not out of debt...oh buddy ---(We're looking at a good $120,000 of STUDENT AND CONSUMER LOAN DEBT).

6.) I don't know exactly when any of the current things that I just shared will be changing.

7.) .......And the list continues


I have experienced a lot of low moments in 2018 in my 33rd year of life. These low moments have also taught me a lot about myself and what I need in order to be healthy and progress.


I'm not exactly sure what my 34th year of life will look like, but I know that it will not look anything like my 33rd year of life. No matter how down I have allowed myself to get in the last few months, I always here the Holy Spirit saying "there is more to life if you just keep going and have faith."


"Don't look back or down. LOOK AHEAD. YOUR BLESSING IS AWAITING FOR YOU AHEAD."


I refuse to have a negative outlook on life. I am a firm believer that you create your own reality. Lately, I have definitely taken a part in creating the reality that I have been experiencing. So, I am going to change that moving forward. I am only going to look ahead. I will be documenting my experience along the way.


I choose to have faith in this season and I believe that my life is getting better and improving each day.


Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials or any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. ~James 1:2, 3